Wednesday, 18 November 2015

The Facts about Anxiety Disorders and Panic Attacks


Anxiety and panic disorders are the most common emotional disorder. It is reported that one out of every 76 people worldwide will experience a panic attack in their lives. Each year around 1/3 of American adults have at least one panic attack while most of these adults never develop repeated panic attacks. Only 21% of people who ever suffer from anxiety and panic attacks reach out for professional help.

Do I have Anxiety and Panic Disorder?

The truth is if you experience one or several of the following symptoms, it is very likely that you have it: heart palpitations, sweating, trembling or shaking, sensations of shortness of breath or smothering, feeling of choking, chest pain or discomfort, nausea or abdominal distress, dizziness or lightheadedness, derealisation or depersonalisation, fear of losing control or going "crazy", fear of dying, paresthesia, and chills or hot flushes.

What you don't know about Anxiety and Panic Disorders

We receive thousands of emails via our web site from anxiety, panic attacks, phobias, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) suffers every month. What is very apparent from most of these is that people have a lot of misconceptions about anxiety and panic disorders. In order to cure them we need to know some facts about them first.

Firstly, anxiety and panic disorders are NOT mental illnesses. They are just behavioral conditions stored as memory, instinct and habit in the Amygdala, an almond-shaped set of neurons inside the brain. The National Institute of Mental Health has confirmed that conditions such as anxiety, depression, autism, PTSD, OCD, and phobias are caused by abnormal functioning of the Amygdala.

Secondly, anxiety and panic disorders conditions CAN be eliminated 100% permanently, contrary to what most believe. We already know that stress, bereavement and life circumstances are just the triggers for the anxiety and that Amygdala is THE cause. If we can change the way the Amygdala reacts, you'd be anxiety free. The good news is we can change the reaction of Amygdala quickly and permanently with immediate results.




Tuesday, 17 November 2015

5 Quick Ways To Ease Stress, Depression & Anxiety


1. Take regular breaks from the firing line. Working hard without regular breaks is a great way to build up stress and tension. Make sure you have at least one 15-minute break in the morning and one in the afternoon as well as at least 20 minutes for lunch. If possible, eat lunch away from your workstation. Equally, if you have a lot to deal with in your life right now, taking a day, or a weekend elsewhere – longer if you can - to get some breathing space will really help. Even just a day away from the firing line will enable you to get some distance from the problems and help you to gather your thoughts.

2. Regular exercise can help relieve stress, depression and anxiety. Exercise releases endorphins into your system and will give you a natural boost. It will also provide you with a break from brooding and dwelling upon problems and troubles – but only if you perform the right kind of exercises. Avoid: Exercises that allow you to brood (weight lifting, jogging, treadmills) and perform exercises that require your full concentration. Competitive sports such as squash, tennis, badminton and circuit training are all excellent examples. It is important that you do not brood when you exercise because although you will be benefiting physically, you are still stressing yourself mentally and the stress, depression and anxiety will worsen.

3. Stop beating yourself up. Self-deprecation is a huge part of stress, depression and anxiety. Each time you beat up on yourself, you will erode confidence and self-esteem. Never tell yourself you’re useless, worthless, stupid, hopeless, boring, ugly, and a loser. Never convince yourself that other people hate you, that others find you difficult to be around and that you’re better off being alone. You would never deem it acceptable to say such things to other people and you must deem it equally unacceptable to say them to yourself. These words and phrases are powerful and they will hurt you. Accept you’re not perfect and that you make mistakes – just like everybody else does – and cut yourself some slack. From this day, make a pact with me to never indulge self-deprecation ever again. IT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

4. Isolation is another problem experienced by stress, depression and anxiety sufferers. OK, there will be times when you just want your own company. During such times, you can brood over and over again on problems and events and beat yourself up for hours on end. Not good. Instead, use isolation more positively. Occupy your mind by tackling a jigsaw puzzle, a logic problem, a crossword, read a book or perform a hobby such as painting, playing a musical instrument or whatever it is you have an interest in. In this way, isolation will help you to grow instead of causing you further pain.

5. Television, radio and newspapers can all supply you with a daily hit of negativity and help lower your mood. In the main, they concentrate on the negative side of life: crime, corruption, war, scandal and natural disasters and can give you a distorted view of reality. Not to mention the amount of image manipulation they subject you to. Give yourself a break from this negative drip feed and avoid them completely for one week. You may find, like I have, that they have no place in your life after that. Trust me, you won’t miss them.

That’s five, quick tips for you to help fight stress, depression and anxiety. Please give them a try, they’ll all help to boost your mood levels very quickly indeed.




5 PROVEN Tips To Help You Wipeout Your Depression So You Can Live A Happy Life

Are you lonely?

Did you know that being lonely is a normal part of our everyday lives.

Lets face it, we've all been there.

We get depressed when we fail in our exams, when we're rejected by the person we love, or when someone very close to us passes away.

That's just part of life.

But, depression, however, can be more fatal than just plain loneliness. It could render Life-Long consequences that could ruin your Self-Esteem, Health, and Well-Being in the process.

Well today is your lucky day because I'm going to share with you some great tips to help you conquer the 'Melancholy Mood' so you can get the MOST bliss out of your daily activities.

So, with that said, lets go to Tip #1.


Tip #1. Do you get enough Light and Sunshine?

Did you know that lack of exposure to sunlight is responsible for the secretion of the hormone called Melatonin, which could trigger a dispirited mood and/or a lethargic condition.

Melatonin is only produced in the dark. What it does is it lowers the body temperature and makes you feel sluggish.

So, if you are always cooped up in your room (with the curtains closed), it would be difficult to restrain yourself from staying in bed.

This is the reason why many people suffer from depression much more often in winter than in the other seasons.

It's simply because the nights are longer.

If you can't afford to get some sunshine, you can always lighten up your room with brighter lights to help offset the darkness.

Or...

You could go have lunch outside the office for a change and take frequent walks in the early afternoon instead of driving your car over short distances.

The choices are endless. It's really up to you.


Tip #2. Keep Busy and Get Inspired.

You'll be more likely to overcome any feeling of depression if you keep your mind busy doing the activities you like doing the most.

Do the things you love.

If you're a little short on cash, you could engage in simple stuff like taking a leisurely stroll in the park, playing sports, reading books, or engaging in any activity that you have passion for and would love to pursue.

Also, set a Goal.

No matter how difficult or discouraging life can be, remain firm and have an unshakable belief that you are capable of doing anything you desire.

With this kind of positive attitude, you will attain a cheerful disposition to beat the blues.


Tip #3. Take a Break. Sit back and Relax.

I mean it.

Listen to some soothing music you like. Soak in a nice warm bath. Simply take a break from your stressful workload and spend the day just goofing around doing the things you love.

In other words, go have fun. Life's to short as it is.


Tip #4. Maintain a healthy diet and Stay Fit.

Avoid foods with lots of Sugar, Caffeine or Alcohol.

Sugar and caffeine may give you a brief moment of energy; but they will later bring about Anxiety, Tension and Internal problems.

Alcohol on the other hand is a depressant. Many people would drink alcohol to simply "forget their problems."

All they're doing is aggravating their conditions in the process.

Also, did you know that exercising regularly is a vital depression buster.

Why you ask?

Simply because it allows your body to produce more Endorphins than usual.

Endorphins are sometimes called "the happy chemicals" because of their Stress-Reducing and Happiness-Inducing properties.


Tip #5. Get a Social Life outside of work.

No man is an island. Your inner circle of friends are there to give you moral support.

Spending time and engaging in worthwhile activities with them could give you a very satisfying feeling.

And we all now... nothing feels better than having group support.

And... never underestimate the power of Touch.

What I mean is... doesn't it feel so good when someone pats you on the back and gives you words of encouragement during your most challenging times?

Hug or embrace someone today.

Get intimate.

Establish close ties with your family and friends.

The love and care expressed by others could tremendously boost your immune system and fend off illnesses.

Best of all, you'll live a more secured and happy life.


Now go give those 5 Tips a try and see how they pan out for you.


Monday, 16 November 2015

The Depressive Narcissist


Many scholars consider pathological narcissism to be a form of depressive illness. This is the position of the authoritative magazine "Psychology Today". The life of the typical narcissist is, indeed, punctuated with recurrent bouts of dysphoria (ubiquitous sadness and hopelessness), anhedonia (loss of the ability to feel pleasure), and clinical forms of depression (cyclothymic, dysthymic, or other). This picture is further obfuscated by the frequent presence of mood disorders, such as Bipolar I (co-morbidity).

While the distinction between reactive (exogenous) and endogenous depression is obsolete, it is still useful in the context of narcissism. Narcissists react with depression not only to life crises but to fluctuations in Narcissistic Supply.

The narcissist's personality is disorganised and precariously balanced. He regulates his sense of self-worth by consuming Narcissistic Supply from others. Any threat to the uninterrupted flow of said supply compromises his psychological integrity and his ability to function. It is perceived by the narcissist as life threatening.

I. Loss Induced Dysphoria

This is the narcissist's depressive reaction to the loss of one or more Sources of Narcissistic Supply – or to the disintegration of a Pathological Narcissistic Space (PN Space, his stalking or hunting grounds, the social unit whose members lavish him with attention).

II. Deficiency Induced Dysphoria

Deep and acute depression which follows the aforementioned losses of Supply Sources or a PN Space. Having mourned these losses, the narcissist now grieves their inevitable outcome – the absence or deficiency of Narcissistic Supply. Paradoxically, this dysphoria energises the narcissist and moves him to find new Sources of Supply to replenish his dilapidated stock (thus initiating a Narcissistic Cycle).

III. Self-Worth Dysregulation Dysphoria

The narcissist reacts with depression to criticism or disagreement, especially from a trusted and long-term Source of Narcissistic Supply. He fears the imminent loss of the source and the damage to his own, fragile, mental balance. The narcissist also resents his vulnerability and his extreme dependence on feedback from others. This type of depressive reaction is, therefore, a mutation of self-directed aggression.

IV. Grandiosity Gap Dysphoria

The narcissist's firmly, though counterfactually, perceives himself as omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, brilliant, accomplished, irresistible, immune, and invincible. Any data to the contrary is usually filtered, altered, or discarded altogether. Still, sometimes reality intrudes and creates a Grandiosity Gap. The narcissist is forced to face his mortality, limitations, ignorance, and relative inferiority. He sulks and sinks into an incapacitating but short-lived dysphoria.

V. Self-Punishing Dysphoria

Deep inside, the narcissist hates himself and doubts his own worth. He deplores his desperate addiction to Narcissistic Supply. He judges his actions and intentions harshly and sadistically. He may be unaware of these dynamics – but they are at the heart of the narcissistic disorder and the reason the narcissist had to resort to narcissism as a defence mechanism in the first place.

This inexhaustible well of ill will, self-chastisement, self-doubt, and self-directed aggression yields numerous self-defeating and self-destructive behaviours – from reckless driving and substance abuse to suicidal ideation and constant depression.

It is the narcissist's ability to confabulate that saves him from himself. His grandiose fantasies remove him from reality and prevent recurrent narcissistic injuries. Many narcissists end up delusional, schizoid, or paranoid. To avoid agonising and gnawing depression, they give up on life itself.


The Essence of Happiness




I will never forget the dedication in the book of one of the most reputable experts on the subject of motivation, the American Dr. David J. Schwartz, The Magic of Thinking Big.  When his six-year old son completed kindergarten, Dr. Schwartz asked him what he would like to be when he grew up.  Without hesitation, the child replied, “Dad, I want to be a professor.”  “A professor?  A professor of what?”, Dr. Schwartz asked.  “Well, Dad,” his son replied, “I think I want to be a professor of happiness.”  “A professor of happiness!  That’s a pretty wonderful ambition, don’t you think?  To them -  David, a fine boy with a grand goal, and to his mother, this book is dedicated.”
       
  If we were to ask what light is, we would get the most accurate description from a person who had lost the ability to see, and if we were to ask what freedom is, we would certainly get the best explanation from a person who had lost it.  However, I do not believe it necessary to ask anyone what happiness is.

  Most people think that happiness is a result of personal qualities and circumstances which cannot be measured.  For others, the goal of happiness is “all or nothing.”  One of the best tennis players in the world, Arancha Sanchez-Vicario, gave the following answer to the question “What is a nice day for you?”
       “A day that I feel happy.”
       
  There is no direct road to happiness, except through our own adaptation and adjustment.  But what does that mean?  It means that we should not live our lives waiting to become happy, but rather continuously and persistently dedicating ourselves to learning to experience personal happiness.  Sometimes people are blind to the happiness around them, and the more opportunities for happiness they get, the unhappier they feel.  For truly happy people, time ceases to exist; they seldom peek at their wristwatches.  There are no unsolvable problems for the truly happy.  They constantly smile and simply live their lives.

  So what can we do to adapt to this new way of living?
We shouldn’t always wonder and ask what we need to do in order to achieve absolute happiness.  Sometimes, quite often in fact, we must know what not to do - what we must avoid and distance ourselves from - so that we can become happier.  An obstacle for our happiness could be fear of acting wrongly or incorrectly.  This is a problem we experience from very early childhood to our golden years.  The problem exists because we are used to other people telling us what is proper and improper - what is right and wrong.  If we decide to form and develop our happiness ourselves, it is up to us to balance the guiding influence of moral and social conventions with the fundamental freedom of moral self-determination.

  Regardless of how they connect with our careers, our education, business, family, health, wealth, perfection, glory and power our dreams and desires have their own paths.  Once we are able to truly believe that we will find and follow this path, we will certainly become happier.  Such faith gives us enormous power, divine guidance and inner strength to walk our path with confidence and accept our challenges with grace. Therefore, we have to learn to strive toward giving our best effort every day, to carefully measure all our thoughts, words or deeds, and to try to realize whether they make us happy or unhappy.

  The ultimate goal is achieving absolute happiness.  Millions of people look for it, but only handfuls create it themselves.

Always Tired, fatigued, Anxiety filled? Maybe You Need a Depression Test.


Depression has become one of the most widely increased diagnosed disorders in this country over the past few years. Things like the falling economy causing a decrease in personal finances, in addition to life’s daily stresses and worries have caused many Americans to become depressed.

You may have seen the recently advertised television commercials offering depression testing. Depression not only saddens an individual’s state of mind, but also causes symptoms like fatigue, anxiety and loss of motivation, even in the simplest of daily activities. People who are depressed are not temporarily moody or sad. The condition is unfortunately, long-term and negatively affects the way a person feels, thinks and behaves.

Depression is a genuine medical condition that can be treated, but the help has to be sought out. That in itself can often times be a difficult task for someone experiencing this ailment. A Depression Test is important because depression is a disease that requires attention and medical treatment. If it is not treated, it can last for months, and in some cases, even years.

If you have been feeling out-of-sorts for an extended amount of time, you might consider taking a depression test. There are several ways you can do this. If you don’t feel up to a doctor visit, go online. Visit a website that can offer you a simple questionnaire to decide whether or not you might be clinically depressed. There is a wonderful website called lexapro.com that offers a very good depression test which is in the form of a simple questionnaire. You will also find answers there to any questions you might have about the way you are feeling. Another good web resource is depression.com. Please keep in mind that if your depression test results lead you to believe that you are in fact suffering from depression, you must make an appointment to see a physician and get treatment.

If you are, or know someone who is suffering from depression, seek help. There is nothing to be ashamed. You shouldn’t have to live in sadness so don’t continue to let life pass you by. You are valuable part of this world and you deserve to experience the same happiness as everyone else around you.


How to Tend To Your Own Happiness


Many of us wish for more happiness. We want to lead happier, more fulfilling, lives, but the sad truth is that so many of us that wish for more happiness spend much more time tending the happiness of others than we do tending to our own happiness.

Happiness does not simply happen. A person does not suddenly stumble across happiness. Happiness is the result of careful tending and a person who wishes to be happy must tend to their own happiness.

Tending to your happiness does not need to be difficult, complex, or time-consuming. It can be as simple as this four-step formula:

1. Trash your unhappy thoughts and trends
2. Envision yourself happy
3. Needs fulfilled
4. Desires fulfilled

Making yourself a happier person really can be that simple.

Step one is an important one because unhappiness is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many people are unhappy because they don't believe they deserve to be happy and they lock themselves into patterns of behavior that make them unhappy. You must trash your unhappy thoughts and trends.

Look inside yourself and find out what (and when) you think about things that make you unhappy. Is there a specific time of day that you tend to be more unhappy? Is there a specific task or routine that seems to feed your unhappiness? Is there something that you do or think that contributes to your own unhappiness?

Once you identify the areas of your life that cause you unhappiness you can find ways to confront it and combat it. Sometimes you can make a change to avoid the trouble spot altogether, but when that's not possible find ways to make it less difficult on yourself. Adjust your schedule or your expectations if that will make things better. Recruit help when you can. Just easing off one task or freeing up a few hours can make a huge difference in your attitude. When all else fails and you can't change or share something unpleasant than don't hesitate to give yourself a reward for accomplishing it. Knowing you will be rewarded can sometimes make difficult tasks more palatable.

Step two is key. Some people have been unhappy for so long they have forgotten what happiness looks like and feels like. Envisioning yourself happy can help create the happiness habit. Thinking about your own happiness will also help counterbalance times when you are unhappy or working through unpleasant tasks. Think about difficult times as simply stepping stones to happy times.

Step three cannot be overlooked. If your basic needs for food and sleep are not met then you will not be able to focus on happiness. Obviously it is not impossible for hungry, sleep-deprived people to be happy, but most humans are a lot less likely to be happy in that state. Food and sleep provide fuel for both body and mind and the healthier your body and mind then the better chance you have to achieve happiness.

Step four is the final step to achieving happiness. What do you desire? What do you wish for? What do you dream about? Allow yourself to dream big but don't overlook small wishes and desires. While a two-week cruise might be great just having a weekend at a local resort might really give the rest, relaxation and escape you might need. Or perhaps you'd really like to lose 30 or 50 pounds but finding a way to work in some exercise a few times a week might give you more immediate gratification while eventually accomplishing your long-term goal.

Make a list of your desires, wishes, and dreams -- big and small -- and keep that list some place handy. What can you do this week to achieve a small goal? What can you do this month to take a step toward a big goal? Sometimes you don't even need to accomplish your goals to achieve happiness. Sometimes it is simply enough to know that you are working toward your dreams. Often happiness is found on the path to our dreams. Often happiness is created while we strive to make our wishes come true.

You can make yourself a happier person but you must tend to your happiness. So often we spend more time tending to our outer possessions than we do tending to our inner ones. You can make a few changes to your life to find a better balance and that will help create more personal happiness for you.

The Secrets of a Positive Attitude



Are you constantly bombarded by thoughts of negativity? Plagued by feelings of insecurity? Do you see everything in a negative manner? The reason for this lies deep within your heart. You are what you mentally and spiritually eat. If a person drinks alcohol on a daily basis, odds are their body will be affected in some way. They may have liver issues, develop cancer or incur some other type of health problem directly related to the amount of alcohol they have consumed. In the same way, a person who constantly feeds themselves negative thoughts will simply turn into a negative person.

This is the time to go on a diet. A diet of positive attitude food. You have to literally stop feeding your mind negative things. Ask yourself is this thought negative or positive or negative? What do negative thoughts look like? Well, they start with can't rather than can, no as opposed to yes, will and not won't. The Bible which is the greatest self help book ever written, speaks about taking every thought captive. The problem in our society has become that our thoughts have taken us captive. We have begun to let our thoughts control us.

A great way to know what we are negative about is to ask those people who are closest to us. You can ask your spouse or another person in your life who really knows you how they would rate your attitude on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being super positive and 1 super negative. Ask this person to be totally honest with you. You will benefit from their honesty even if it causes you pain. Ask this person what it is that you specifically say that they perceive as negative. Write down what they say and look at the actual words.

Now is the time to be honest with yourself. Those words are a reflection of what is inside you. They are who you are. The great thing is that you can change. It is as simple as making a choice to do so. You must decide to replace the thoughts of negativity with thoughts of positivity. Decide what words you will change the negative words on your paper to. Once you have done this, make an effort to insert these new positive thoughts in your mind. You will begin to notice a positive change taking place in your life. Your family, friends and co-workers will all notice it as well. They may not know what is different about you. But they will know that you are not the same person that you were.

The items which are causing negativity in your life could very well be the news, movies, constantly replaying tragedy in your mind and the list could go on. These things should be eliminated if you want your new mental health regimen to be a success. The news is very negative and does not help someone who is trying to rid their mind of such thoughts. When you are feeding yourself thoughts of death from a war or gunshot or car accident visually the outcome will be negative. I do believe there is a time to grieve over the death of a loved one.

 However, if a person constantly replays this negative event in their minds it can lead to depression. The person who has passed away is not coming back and we must close that chapter in our lives and move on to the next chapter. This is a difficult task which can only be done by making a decision to proceed with our own life, no matter how hard this may be.

You can do it. You can and will have a positive attitude, if you simply take the steps outlined above. You do not have to be what you were in the past. You can be different in the future. The choice is yours. I know you will make a positive one.




Help With The Anxiety of Everyday Life


Many people I know claim that life stresses them out, and for all I know, they're probably telling the truth. Some, however, often say they feel anxiety over the major issues in their lives. When I hear this, I can't help but smile. You see, I suffered from generalized anxiety disorder for most of my life. While they may experience brief episodes of worry over life altering events that anyone would worry about, I would often find myself anxiously worried about everything. From the mundane and miniscule to the full scale and future altering, if it existed...I was anxious about it. If being anxious were a career choice, I would have been a high PhD toting, high powered executive.

The biggest difference between those who suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and the population at large is the limited amount of control sufferers have over their thought processes. I used to worry uncontrollably about things over which I had little if any control. In fact, I often worried excessively about things that had no choice but to resolve themselves. My anxiety caused me to spend a great deal of time focusing on things that didn't merit the degree of concern I imparted them. Additionally, all the anxiety I felt over these everyday events wore on me, both mentally and physically.

Generalized anxiety disorder can be difficult to diagnose. I was lucky enough to have a physician who recognized some of the symptoms based on our conversations and recommended me to a specialist. Now that I've been diagnosed, I have successfully controlled my anxiety through behavior therapy, medication and relaxation techniques.

If you or someone you know feels overly anxious about the everyday events that all people experience, I encourage you to get more information on anxiety disorders. There are several excellent free resources on the web where you can view the symptoms of anxiety disorders to help determine if you may be suffering from anxiety.  Always consult your physician regarding your medical concerns and remember, help is available.

Self Help Strategies for Generalised Anxiety Disorder

http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmgad.pdf

Generalised Anxiety Disorder

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad.htm

Anxiety Uk

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/get-help-now/anxietyinformation/anxiety-disorders/generalised-anxiety-disorder-gad/

Exercise to Help Anxiety and Depression

http://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/managing-anxiety/exercise-stress-and-anxiety

9 Foods That Help or Hurt Anxiety and Depession

http://www.everydayhealth.com/anxiety-pictures/anxiety-foods-that-help-foods-that-hurt-0118.aspx#02

There Is Hope In Managing Your Depression And Fears


When your fears and depression have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is hope in dealing with your fears and depression. For instance, there is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. As a result, here are some techniques a person can use to help manage their fears and anxieties.

You never know when the answers your looking for will come to your doorstep. Even if the thing that you feared does happen, there are circumstances and factors that you can’t predict which can be used to your advantage. These factors can change everything. Remember: we may be ninety-nine percent correct in predicting the future, but all it takes is for that one percent to make a world of difference.

Challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make your fearful or depressed, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. For example, your afraid that if you do not get that job promotion then you will be stuck at your job forever. This depresses you, however your thinking in this situation is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that there all are kinds of jobs available and just because you don’t get this job promotion doesn’t mean that you will never get one. In addition, people change jobs all the time, and you always have that option of going elsewhere if you are unhappy at your present location.

Some people get depressed and have a difficult time getting out of bed in the mornings. When this happens, a person should take a deep breath and try to find something to do to get their mind off of the problem. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. Doing something will get your mind off of the problem and give you confidence to do other things.

Seek help from God. You might of heard this before, however have you tried asking God for help? Praying and talking to God about your problem can be effective. Although the answers might not come to you right away, you can’t go wrong on relying on God. You never know how God will work in ones life. All you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and take it in stride by using the help of God. God will help us through our problems if we ask him.

As a Layman and author of an anxiety book, I have done many interviews with various counselors in how to manage fear, anxiety and depression. The techniques that I have just covered are some basic ways to manage your depression, however your best bet is to get some help from a professional and not to lose hope. Eventually, you will find the answers you are looking for.


Anxiety Reducing Tips You Can Do Today


Anxiety can be a life-altering occurrence. It can happen without our knowledge and can change a life forever. That is not to say the changes are for the worse. If we are aware, early on, that we are experiencing stress and dealing with anxiety then we have a great opportunity to promote positive behavior. This positive behavior can then dominate our lives.

There are varying effects anxiety has on the human body, mind and spirit. Anxiety can often times be a silent killer. Stress and anxiety go hand in hand and both promote heart problems, respiratory problems and can cause us to age more rapidly than if we were to have a healthier, slower paced lifestyle.

Yoga, deep tissue massages, and even routine exercising can be beneficial in reducing anxiety. All it takes is a phone call, a minute of searching the Internet, or even a chat with your physician or pastor to begin the process of healing. Once you have discovered on your own or been diagnosed by a physician that anxiety is the culprit for what ails you, the healing process is as difficult as you want it to be.

Being in denial about anxiety is a step in the wrong direction. When you discover you have symptoms of an illness (serious or otherwise) and all physical elements are ruled out you must look long and hard at how you are living. There is part of us that most are not even aware of until our health plummets and we are forced to look more closely at how we live.

Most of us can fully benefit by slowing everything down and easing up on what we cram into one day. Sometimes it is as if we have to fill each moment of everyday to the bursting point in order to feel as if we have accomplished something. Stepping back and doing nothing is a challenge. And it is challenge well worth the effort and one we must take into serious consideration.

Slowing down is the first step to forcing out the anxiety that is easily accessible to all of us as humans. Forming a plan of attack on the urges and pitfalls that lead us further into the darkness of anxiety is essential. The war against anxiety begins with the acknowledgement that it exists. When you replace stressful, anxious behavior with positive, relaxed behavior you have the beginnings of a beautiful life.


Understanding the Psychology of Positive Thinking




You may have heard about positive thinking, but don’t really know enough about to know exactly how it works. Positive thinking can provide many benefits in your life such as improving your health, opportunities in life, the way you relate to others and the way you see yourself.

The psychology behind the power of positive thinking is that you’re more apt to take on life with a positive outlook and have more positive results than if you face the world negatively. That doesn’t mean that you should gloss over the obvious, but it does mean that a bad circumstance can be made much brighter than viewing them in a negative way.

Some psychologists view positive thinking as how you explain what happens in your life. If you have an optimistic attitude, you’re more likely to explain away bad things that happen by blaming something else for the circumstance. You’re also more apt to view a negative happening as outside the norm or a temporary circumstance.

 Abraham Lincoln once commented, “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” When you make up your mind to approach life’s challenges with a positive attitude, you’re not ignoring the bad stuff in the world, but it does mean that you’re attempting to see the best both in people and in situations.

Positive thinking and positive psychology are often thought to be the same, but they’re really not. With positive psychology, the focus is definitely on positive thinking, but most psychologists tend to think it’s more beneficial to think realistically.

For example, positive thinking might lead a person to take risks that he or she shouldn’t, such as investing money in a business that’s extremely risky or thinking positively that you can swim across the lake without taking into consideration the distance.

However, it is clear that thinking more positively will ensure more positive outcomes in your life. The best thing you can do is to pay attention to your self-talk and realistically assess whether it’s better to think that way – or not.

As you practice positive thinking, you’ll become more adept at culling out the positive thoughts that aren’t realistic as opposed to the thoughts that can have a positive impact on your life.

Learn more about the psychology of positive thinking by visiting online sites and/or reading the many books on the subject.

Memories of a Scapegoat: The Lost Child


I often try to think of a reason for why people did what they did to me and I try to convince myself that they weren’t all that bad but sometimes I really can’t find anyway to remotely justify what they did to me and the fact they did it on purpose.

Mother liked to teach me a lesson especially if I reacted in anyway to the pain she inflicted on me and when I have mentioned the abuse I grew up with they would remind me of all the holidays we had been on and yes it was great to see other countries but there was always an undercurrent of fear when we went and certainly always a drama.

Lost In Epcott

 We had gone to America and we were in the Epcott centre, we had been walking around for hours and my legs were getting really tired I was around four at time and I started whining that my legs were burning I desperately needed a rest. Mother crushed my hand in hers and gave me that look that told me I was going to be in for it so I pulled my hand away from hers to stop the pain. I was rubbing my hand to ease the pain and then the lights went out for the space show to begin.  I freaked out and looking back I can see was having a panic attack. I grabbed for mother's hand again needing some familiarity in the strange dark place, I needed to feel safe. She took my hand and held it throughout the whole show but then the lights went up and I looked up only to see I was holding a strangers hand. I freaked out completely then and started screaming and crying. I thought I was lost in a strange country and I must have screamed and cried for a long time getting more and more distressed before mother eventually came to get me. She must have known the whole time I wasn’t with her and she wasn’t standing that far away to not be able to hear me crying which meant she knew I was in great distress and let me think I was lost, she had enjoyed the whole show knowing I wasn’t next to her knowing  I was on my own in a room full of strangers in a very strange country at a totally vulnerable ag. Later on after I had gotten lost for the nth time she told me it would teach me not to defy her.

I went missing quite a few times on holiday which led to a big fear of abandonment, the last time was when we were in the lake district I must have been about ten. It started with me annoying Mother for some reason such as daring to exist and she started crushing my hand really hard. Hand crushing  was her favourite thing to do as it wasn't obvious to anyone around , easy for her to overpower me and if I shouted out in pain I knew  there would be another punishment coming my way.  

I yanked my hand away had as I could to escape her unbearably painful grip and lagged behind trying to subtly nurse my sore hand trying my best to be invisible lest bring attention to the injury caused by Mother and somehow end up sullying the family name in  public . 

To expose our dysfunction to the outside world would  incur more of Mothers special brand of cold wrath and quietly inflicted pain .

 As  I walked behind my parents trying to stop the tears running down my face (I had already been traumatised out of being able to openly cry by now)feeling deeply sad and angry I got distracted trying to ease the pain of my throbbing hand . After a short while I looked up for my parents and they weren’t there. 

 I started having a panic attack,  I was utterly convinced I was lost forever and I was so scared and untrusting of people by this point in my life I felt like I was surrounded by sinister strangers and living with monsters in my own home. I couldn't trust my own parents or siblings so who could I trust?

I decided I should look for a really old couple to help me, My reasoning was that they would have less chance of  hurting me. I hadn’t ever been hurt by old people . I was afraid of everyone whose was my parents, brother or sister's age I knew nothing but mental abuse and physical pain from these people my whole life I expected nothing better from strangers. 

I Eventually found an elderly couple who looked friendly to me . 
I told them  I was lost and by this time was crying my eyes out. 

I tried to explain which campsite we were at , I knew the lakes pretty well so  I was able to give a good description and then I had to get in the car with them hoping to god they were trustworthy.

 I was scared shitless of getting in  the car with them but they looked  kind and I had no other choice, there was no way I could have found my own way back to where we were staying .

They drove me straight to the campsite where I was staying with my parents and when we got there my parents were already at the caravan relaxing  on deckchairs having an afternoon drink. They had left me in the middle of Keswick and buggered off to the campsite without me completely unconcerned. 

The couple who found me explained I had been in tears and was really distressed when they found me and my parents were really casual  about me being lost it was like they couldn’t give a shit and they gave me a really cold angry look that out the fear up me a good part of me wanted to run off with the nice people who found me. I felt my gut drop that horrible familiar feeling of wondering what the hell I was  in for . 

Mother had a habit of waiting until you thought it was all forgotten then punishing you unexpectedly. For example when  I had started running away instead of waiting for them to hit me like a good little scapegoat. I would run away for Mother before she could hit me and run far away from the house and spend the day knocking about the streets, hanging out with mates . 

I would get home at night hoping to god it would be forgotten about and Mother would greet me, start making my tea put it out all nice on a tray and bring it through to the sitting room. 

I would tuck in watching TV and suddenly out of nowhere she would slap me across the back of the head hard as she could and say, I told you I would get you back after a few years of this  I became quite jumpy and twitchy when eating which went down great at school as you can imagine.

 Getting back to the story,  after the couple drove off my parents  told me how disappointed and angry they were with me and proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the day, silent treatment deluxe pretending I wasn't there except to snap at me or throw another furious look my way now and again. They really didn't care I had been lost or frightened or Mother had really hurt me all they cared about was that they might have looked bad to the couple who found me.

 In our family the family  name and reputation is absolutely everything. 


Sunday, 15 November 2015

How to Challenge Your Negative Thoughts



Do negative thoughts seem to creep into your mind and ruin your day or at least part of it before you even know what’s happening? You may have spent most of your life thinking that way. Parents or other influences in your life may have been the role models for your negative thinking patterns.

Negative thoughts are a cycle that needs to be broken and you can then begin to replace those thoughts that you banish from your mind with positive ones. Until then, you need to learn how to challenge each negative thought that tries to worm itself into your thinking process and destroy your good mood.

Be sure to ask some questions of yourself when negative thoughts do appear in your thinking process. Ask yourself if the thought is reasonable or does it lack the facts to support it. The situation may not be as bad as you perceive it to be or you’re thinking, “What if…,” and it may never happen.

Many people go through life never knowing that their negative thoughts are sabotaging their lives. If you realize that and are currently doing what you can to reverse those thoughts, you’re way ahead of the others.

Self-talk is said by psychologists to be the best way to either sabotage our lives or go on with our lives with confidence and positivity. Unfortunately, self-talk is most often geared toward negativity, but if you are determined to reverse the pattern and think positively about your life and the situations you’re going through, you’re way ahead of the game.

Look for the evidence in the thoughts you’re having. For example, if you’re thinking, “the weather is bad and the plane might crash,” you know intelligently that you have no evidence to support that thought. Most planes take off and land with no incidence at all. So, you can think that your thoughts aren’t factual, but made up of interpretations.

Also, challenge your negative thinking by asking yourself what is the worst thing that could happen in a situation and how likely is it to happen. If you were thinking positive thoughts, would the situation remain as serious as it is in your mind right now? Probably not.

Another thing you can do to challenge your negative thinking is to direct your thinking toward the goals you want to accomplish. For example, ask yourself if what you’re thinking will help you achieve your goals – or not.


Can you learn from the situation you’re in and know how to think about it next time? After you conquer your negative thinking, you can begin to think positively about any situation you’re in and ease your way through life.

“7 Surprisingly Quick And Easy Ways To Feel Happier”


All of us have days when we're out of sorts. You just wish you were in a better mood.  You've had days like that, haven't you? Perhaps you tried to get yourself into a better state of mind but struggled to achieve it.

Sometimes we get stuck in our own emotional dumps and forget how easy it is to feel happier, so here are seven simple ways to lift your mood. Many people have found them useful. Some of them may surprise you!


1. Go for a walk.

Most people know that going for a short daily walk is one of the best forms of exercise. When you are feeling down it is even more beneficial. If you can, go into a natural environment with plants and birds. Can you think of such a setting not? What do you notice first? The different shades of greenery, the fresh  smell of country air, the sounds of birds, or the sunlight shining through the trees? Make it real by taking a short stroll.

2. Listen to quality music.

Music can shift a listener's state within moments. It's effect can be nearly magical. Dig out that CD you haven't listened to in ages or tune in your radio to something you've never listened to before.


3. Open yourself to discovering something new.

Read something (printed, not on line) different than what you would normally watch. There are a ton of different types of magazines can you get these days. Visit your local library or browse through a magazine rack.  Pick up or buy a magazine you wouldn't normally buy. You may discover something wonderful.

4. Find something to laugh at.

Laughter is one of the best ways to lift your spirits. Find a humorous book, or watch a comedy. Even better, try to learn a few new jokes and tell them to others.

5. Simple breathing meditation.

Breathing meditation is a great exercise that you can do anywhere.  Simply allow yourself to sit comfortably with your back straight. Now close your eyes and become aware of the flow of air into and out of your nostrils. That's all there is to it. Do this for 10-15 minutes. Notice how pleasantly surprised you can be at how you feel afterward.

6. Doodling for the fun of it.

Most people can remember when they were young and used to doodle for hours. Kids love drawing silly little pictures. Drawing is not just for kids or artists.  Whoever you are get some pens, pencils, crayons or whatever you have and just draw for the fun of it. Notice how your state of mind shifts.

7. Think of others less fortunate.

The fact that you are reading this article suggests that you are probably much better off than most people on this planet. At times this may be hard to believe, but if you can read and have access to the internet, just those two things alone means you are better off than most people in the world.  There are many human beings that barely have access to the basics of survival. There are people in lots of pain. Allow your compassion for them to grow.

These are all pretty simple. There's nothing profound or life changing, but when all you need is a quick pick me up these may be just the thing you need. Putting simple ideas, methods, tools and techniques into action will help you achieve change more quick and easily--surprisingly so at time-- than you imagine.


Why We Hurt Those We Love Most And How To Stop This




:
You love each other but can’t manage to communicate without arguing, fighting and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, trying to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect one self against a new attack. And in spite of that…you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people hurt most those they love?

How come we can’t express our love? How come we are full of good intentions but when it comes to reality we find ourselves again shouting and blaming the other one. And then that monster of guilt jumps out of nowhere to our throat to strangle us once again.

How to stop this infernal behavior?

First let me explain why this happens.

We all need energy. We need energy to live and to survive. Energy comes in many forms : love, attention, interest, food, friendship, money, approval, recognition…

We all need this to feel good, to build our personality and to find our place in society.

But here it is : as long as we think this energy has to come from other human beings, we will get caught up in struggle. Because human energy is limited. We have to fight for it. Human energy doesn’t last. There isn’t enough of it. So we have to be the quickest, the smartest, the most beautiful one, to attract the attention from the other and to pull his energy.

If this doesn’t work, we try another strategy. We try to pull attention by negative behavior. Every child learns this very quickly in his early life : when he is playing quietly on the floor with his toys, mum goes on cooking dinner or talking with daddy. But as soon as the kid hurts his little sister or is playing “sick”, mums hurries to give attention to him. She shouts maybe, she’s angry or worried, but no matter, all this is attention for the child! He learns very quickly which behavior gives him the greatest amount of attention and energy. When his mother or father looks at him, even angry, it still is energy coming his way! When they shout at him, they give him energy. Negative energy, alright, but it is better than no energy at all.

When we grow up, and start to date, we discover a very interesting phenomenon : when we fall in love, we receive a lot of energy (read : attention, interest, time, love etc.) for free. The other person gives us freely and abundantly a whole bunch of energy. We don’t even have to ask for it, we don’t need to apply any strategy to pick this energy, it’s all for free! We let go of our mechanism to pull the energy of others towards us. We loosen up. We “fall” in love. We almost literally fly. We are high! Everything seems to have more colour, is more vivid, we feel lighter, life seems easy, everything goes by itself, we have the feeling we love everybody and everything, even our grunchy boss! Nothing can hurt us, we feel safe and boosted with energy. But this is his or her energy! We are flying on someone else’s energy, and human energy is limited!

And that is exactly the problem! This stream of free energy begins to slow down, because the other one goes back to his business and activities he had before. Why? The body is not able to handle this amount of adrenaline for a long period of time, they say… but the real reason is we need to learn to pull our energy from somewhere else, not from a human being but from the source of energy itself.

So our lover gives us less free energy than before. We were used to this energy-flow and now we have to do it again by ourselves! Free energy is so much easier! We don’t have to do any effort to get it! And now we are getting less of this free energy, we don’t want to let this happen.  At this moment our old childhood-system of capturing energy is triggered because of the scarcity of energy (there is an alarm inside us that says : “Danger! Lack of energy!”) and the old mechanism to capture energy from others starts running in our head and in our behavior. The mechanism that worked when we were a child to get the energy of our parents, will be triggered by the lack of energy now. We do what we did as a child to get energy flowing our way. 

We can do this by playing the victim (“Oh poor me, look at all that I do and nobody is grateful! Look how good I am and still life strikes me with disapproval, disease and misery! Oh oh oh!”). Or we get attention by being aggressive, shouting and trying to dominate the other one. A third mechanism is harassing the other one by asking too many questions and controlling him. A fourth system is playing silence, refusing contact, not to speak and not to react, so the other one will do whatever he can to get in contact with you again and this will give you his energy.

These systems will of course make the energy of the other one flowing your way. But what next? The other one is now low on energy and wants to get his energy back. So now his mechanism is triggered by his lack of energy. He will now use the system that assured him the energy of his parents when he was little, to get his energy back from you. He will either shout at you, either playing the poor one that didn’t deserve your treatment, either torture you with a bunch of questions, or refuse contact.

This explains why we hurt the ones we love. First reason is we want their energy, energy they gave once for free. We hurt our loved onces most because they gave us love and energy and attention for free in the beginning and now we have to do it on our own and we are angry and want get back to them. We think we are entitled to have their energy still for free and start our mechanism to get it. Second reason we hurt them most is because of convenience : they are always around, their energy is available so when we are low on energy we try to rip their energy off, and hurt them by doing that.

Stealing energy from another human being is hurting him.

What can we do about this? We should only be in contact with other people when we are sure to be already filled up with energy, so we won’t steal theirs. When we are full of energy, and conscious of what happens between people, we can give the other one energy instead of ripping him off. We should not meet each other when we are low on energy. It’s the responsibility of each and every person to generate energy by himself and not to depend on other people.

How to do that? By connecting to the energy that is always available. That is the energy of the Universe. The easiest way to connect to this energy is contemplate the beauty of a flower. You also can contemplate the beauty of an object or a person. You can listen to beautiful music, take a walk in nature, meditate, pray, dance, paint, read positive texts, work on your mission on earth, love your cat or dog, anything that gives you energy.

Make a list of every activity and behavior that increases your energy level. As soon as you feel you’re in a conflict with your partner, boss, child, parent or whoever, do something to get yourself together and raise your energy. Don’t say anything until your energy-level is again high enough to be able to send energy to the other one. By sending energy, you are sure not to steal energy from the other one. This is an act of love. If you are not able to get your energy level any higher, go to another place, do something for you and wait until your vibrations are high enough to meet the other one again.

The important thing in a relationship is not to make the other happy or to expect the other one to make you happy, but to make yourself happy and offer this happiness as a free gift to the other!

Loving another human being is giving him energy!
See the difference? Do you want to love your loved ones or steal their energy?

"How to Reclaim Your Life’s Happiness by Demolishing This 1 No1 Self-Esteem Killer



Extensive studies show that more than 85% of the population suffers from some degree of diminished self-worth, lacking self-esteem and insufficient confidence. For most of the people who lack a positive self-image, the future looks like a mere extension of their troubled past. Their expectation of what is to be is consistent with what has been — with a slight and predictable level of improvement.

Because of their lacking self-esteem and confidence, most are resigned to a life that lacks the excitement and passion that characterizes the lives of those who feel worthy of tapping into the best things life has to offer. People who possess a positive self-image typically have an optimistic expectation of what is ahead of them and as a result, they realize this expectation as a self-fulfilling prophesy.

In contrast to the state of resignation that typifies those with diminished self-esteem and lacking confidence, consider the possibility that the future lives as the realization of a promise — a promise you make to yourself and to the world. The future will result from your expectations and the quality of your future will be impacted by the commitment you have for it. It lives as a possibility. In other words, you get to invent it. In fact, you are the sole designer and architect of what is to be. And the result will be entirely consistent with your expectation and your self-image.

In other words, our future will be directly related to what we expect for it to be. If we doubt our self-worth and expect our future lives to be worse than our current situation, we will sabotage ourselves into making it turn out in alignment with this self-fulfilling prophesy resulting in diminished self-esteem and self-confidence. If we limit our expectations and plan on more of the same results we have to date experienced, our apathy will generate a future consistent with this expectation. To the contrary, if we believe in ourselves and our expectation is that our future will be better than our present situation, self-motivation will result to bring about the positive outcome we envision.

If we feel good about ourselves and expect to live happy, fulfilled, and successful lives, we will take the actions consistent with realizing that expectation. We will therefore generate the opportunities that will result in rich relationships, abundance, and joy being attracted to our lives – because we believe we deserve it and act on this belief.

We get what we expect and attract prosperity or lack, joy or sorrow, rewarding relationships or angry, frustrating ones all as a result of whether or not we feel worthy. Just as we can doubt our abilities to succeed and our attractiveness as worthy of rewarding friends and intimate relationships, we can also instead choose to take full responsibility for expecting all aspects of our lives to be the way we want them to turn out.

Realize that you have consciously or unconsciously attracted everything that shows up in your life to you. If where you are in life, the relationships you have attracted to you, your physical, financial, emotional and spiritual states are not what you desire, decide now to alter your course. Decide that you deserve better. Get in touch with the erroneous decisions you made at an early age. Reframe how you see yourself and resolve to act from a declaration of who you are (just because you say so) instead of the unlovable, somehow defective or unworthy image you made up or bought into long ago.

Change your expectations. Design a life plan consistent with your new expectations. Make requests of those who can support your efforts in some way. The future exists for each of us as a possibility. When we do the necessary work to heal our troubled past and put the self-interpretations that do not support us behind, we can courageously decide to design our future lives deliberately to be in alignment with joy, abundance, fun, fulfilment, and self-love. When we train ourselves to first expect positive results and then to act in accordance with what we expect, we set the stage for a bright and promising tomorrow. We have the personal power to create our future on purpose. The future can unfold out of our declaration of how we see ourselves and what we expect it to be like. To the extent that we take responsibility to expect great things in our lives, ensure we give off positive, attractive, loving energy and then get into action to bring about our expectations, we will be the force behind the realization of a rewarding happy future characterized by soaring self-esteem and confidence.

So, my challenge for you today is to write out a clear and specific vision of exactly what your life will be like in every area including your relationships, health, wealth and finances, occupation, recreation and social life, and personal and spiritual development. Commit to resolving any past issues that continue to erode how you feel about yourself. 

Sign up Now for Your Free 10 Day Narcissism Survival e-Course and get access to our free confidence for life e-course worth $97 









What are You Really Missing Out On?



Life is all about experience. Most of us have quite a vast intellectual knowledge of the world. Intellectually we know what's available to us as human beings and although most people haven't got everything they want, they at least have an intellectual knowledge of it. They know what exists and they know what is available. There is, however a huge difference between intellectual knowledge and experiential knowledge. 

We all long to experience the objects of our desire. Knowing simply isn't enough. We want to feel and we want to experience that which we know by engaging all our senses and all of our nervous system to fully comprehend that which exists only as impulses in our minds. Until and unless you actually experience something it will remain an idea and a concept that will always leave you wanting more. Experience is the process by which you turn your intellectual knowledge into a physical experience and when you experience it, it becomes real because you get to feel it in your nervous system. You involve your emotions and,  in the process, you get to feel the fullness of a concept turned real and made manifest in reality. You can know yourself to be kind, but until and unless you do something kind, the idea will remain intellectual and weak. Only when you take the idea and act on it will you create the experience. Having the experience of kindness is what you really want.

Experience then is something we create by taking an idea and putting it to use through action. It is when you use your will to take action when you get to "see" the invisible idea take shape in physical form and through physical experience. We all have a deep seeded need to experience that which we know intellectually and that which we crave to experience through our senses and our emotions. From this point of view we are all constantly striving to experience through our physical bodies and our emotions that which we hold as an idea in our intellect and our minds.

The easiest way to turn your ideas into reality is through action. When you use your will you can take any idea and just do it to have the experience of your knowledge. The real purpose of knowledge is action for what good is knowledge when you can't use it?  The challenge for most people is that they are held back by their own limiting beliefs and fears. Fears and limiting beliefs are actually imaginary for the belief that taking action might lead to a specific "bad" outcome is what actually prevents you from taking action. It is the fear that doing "this" will mean "that" or will lead to "that" even though it has not occurred yet (and will most probably not).

The reality is that all experience in life happens through contrast. We live in a world that is relative. Everything in life exists in relation to something else and everything in life has it's reciprocal. A wise man once said that someone born blind will never know the meaning of darkness for he's never seen the light. Neale Donald Walsh explains it beautifully in Conversations with God when he said that in the absence of that which is not, that which is, is not. For us to experience anything we must also experience the opposite. Life can never be just a flat and one dimensional experience. It simply does not exist.

The challenge is that most people live in the delusion that their lives are in shatters because there are some things they do not like. In reality they are just experiencing the opposite of what they do want. Hot does not exist without cold. There can be no rainbow without the storm. It is in the contrast that we get to truly live life through the experience of both .  When you learn to see life experiences as different states of the same thing you can start to really appreciate all of life and truly have the experience of living life. Appreciating and acknowledging that which is not the way you want, will give you a totally different perspective on everything that you do not like in your life, both past and present. Whether you are feeling lonely, depressed, sad or frustrated you can actually start to appreciate these emotions for it's because of them that you can experience love, vitality, joy and passion.

Regardless of whether you call something good or bad, experience is what will give you fulfilment in life. You have one incredible gift and that is to take your inner desires and experience them. This gift is the gift of action which is your ability to take an impulse of thought and desire and put it to use. 

In it's original latin form the word experience actually means to "test" or to "try". When you relinquish your attachment to just experiencing pleasure you will start to see the use and even the meaning of pain for the one creates and defines the other. Experience has no, and needs no attachment to specific outcomes. Although it does not guarantee you a specific outcome, it does guarantee you a rich life that is filled with a multitude of contrasting sensations. Every cell in your body has a "memory" and through experience you get to feel and "record" your intellectual knowledge by engaging all of you. This is the true meaning of "knowing" for it comes with a deep sense of certainty that you feel in your whole body. This is when you "know it in your bones" – it is a deeper understanding that can never come from intellectual knowledge alone. Your world cannot be grasped by contemplation and knowledge alone, but only through action.


What to Do When Nothing is Working Out For You...




If you are one of those people for whom things are just not going the way they want .... if you think that things work out wonderfully well for everyone else BUT you, then you should sit back, relax and ponder upon your situation in this light:

We have all been brought up "in comparison" to others. There is an ideal time to go to school, finish college, get married, make money, have children etc and then everything HAS to repeat itself the same way for our children and so on!

If we are ever "behind" anyone (or everyone) in achieving a certain goal, a lot of anxiety and despair comes rushing into our lives. We then desperately try all kinds of things to get to that goal, all the while worrying that it will not happen for us...and what is the result? It actually doesn't! The more you despair for something, the more of these "wanting" vibrations will be released into the Universe and you will end up with more of "wanting" and no "gaining".

I want you to remember that it is always a BIG mistake to judge your life by comparing it with others. Your circumstances are completely different from them.... plans and things that work for them cannot work in exactly the same way for you. By worrying about why things are not working out for you in the same way, you CREATE a reality for that time; that those things or plans are not working for you. It is all because you are defining your reality by comparing it with someone else. Some one else's reality does not have anything to do with your reality.

Here is a better way of thinking and putting things in perspective: First and foremost, realise completely how you have acqired this state of mind. Accept that you have been comparing your reality with others and that is not taking you anywhere... they have a completely different path in life than yours. Love yourself the way you are, love your circumstances and accept that things at present are exactly as they should be. Also, allow yourself to believe that you WILL succeed although not in EXACTLY the same way that you want to. Perhaps God/Universe/Spirit wants to take you through a different path, but you WILL get there. Trust that although things may or may not turn out to be the way that you want them to, they WILL turn out in a way that is best for you. You have to be relaxed and non-judgemental for things to start working in the direction of your success. Set your OWN definitions of success, and do not base your happiness on how everything is working out for others.

Take action, but do not struggle to control each and every event in your life. Try to do all that you can to make things right and then trust in God/Universe/Spirit to take you to your goal. You will be happier, more secure and will have peace and love in your heart and best of all, eventually things will start going your way. 


How to Find The Path to Your True Happiness



Happiness is something that so many people strive for each day and yet many times it eludes them. Often, they feel that happiness can be theirs if only their situations were different. Have you ever felt like that?

So often we get caught up in what I call the “if only’s”.  If only my husband were nicer to me. If only I had a better job.  If only the children were grown and out of the house. The list can go on and on.

We can waste so much of our precious time dreaming of the “if only’s”. So many people fall into this trap and end up miserable most of their lives.  

The problem is that they are looking for happiness to come to them somehow.  As if it were something that could be possessed.  When happiness does happen to come it seems so fleeting that it quickly passes away.

People erroneously think that happiness is just a feeling like some passing fancy. I am here to tell you that happiness is not a feeling, it can be a way of life.  Happiness can be yours on a daily basis if you will only follow some basic principles.

First, you must live in the NOW. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised to us so you need to be present in the now.

Secondly, you must control your thinking and the thoughts that pass through your mind. Happiness can be called a state of mind and the way to happiness is bringing your mind into its proper state.

If I live in Texas and I want to be in California I need to change states.  In order for me to be in that State I need to make some changes. In this analogy we will decide to take a train.  The train must be going in the proper direction and we will arrive at our destination.  We must know which train we are on, or we may end up where we don’t want to be.

Think of this train as your thoughts.  That’s right, your train of thought.  If you don’t want to stay in Texas you have to get on the right train. If you let any train of thought into your mind then you will be taken to and fro and never arrive at the destination you want. 

The question then is how do we get on the right train?

The ticket to getting on the right train is called gratitude. Gratitude is an attitude and as we look to all that we have to be thankful for instead of dwelling on what our problems are we will find that we too can be whisked away to the state that we wish to be in.  

There is a path to happiness and that path is gratitude.



How to Get The Right Work Life Balance For You



Balance. It's a nice word but the reality is hard to pin down. It may not even put us on the right track in our 21st century quest for fulfillment and happiness. In this article we will talk about the integration of work and family life, beginning not with the workplace and the employer's role in sorting things out, but with the person and her priorities.

Generally than people talk about work-life balance they mean the challenge of managing their family commitment when they've got children, while juggling the demands of a career. That's the traditional focus, but the concept has evolved quite a bit. There are now many younger people in the workforce, in their late 20s and early 30s, who may not even have home or family but they want a sense of balance in their life.

Often we are thinking of some sort of perfection, where nothing is out of place, there's no stress, and this of course is unrealistic. It automatically means a trade-off between work and life. If I give more time to my family I won't be able to do my job properly, or if I spend more time on the job my family will suffer. Yet I want to be able to have it all, to do it all, right now.

Let's think about integration, which means bringing the various pieces of our lives into a cohesive whole. We each have many roles, goals, responsibilities and life plans. We have to get it together. The attractive idea of finding ways to bring life into a unity will give us the harmony and happiness we seek.

Experience shows what people who have very clear priorities and their own clear definition of success succeed best at balancing their lives. They know what's most important in their lives. These are people who can say, before it happens: If I have to make a choice, if work and family come head to head, I know what my biggest priority is. People who realize it may have slow their career for a period of time, perhaps while a child is younger, and have a less demanding job so they can have more time at home. And they can be at peace with that, because their definition of success is not necessarily the one that society tells them.

Usually we have to just go through life and let the new promotion or the new demands of the job dictate what you do, to feel you don't have a choice. This is not balanced life road. We need to stop and reflect, communicate more with your husband, your wife, your manager at work, and basically be more pro-active.

The today's truth is that we have too much to do. Technology has changed things and made people accessible 24 hours a day, encroaching on the peaceful time people used to have. Yet some things don't change. We still have 24 hours a day. We all have the same amount of time and how we use it comes down to a personal choice.

The disorganization traits usually come from avoiding the choice and try to do too much. Even a simple thing like, What are we going to have for dinner tonight? can become a huge job if we feel, Oh, I've a lot of work and will not be able to do grocery shopping. Obviously, if we have the knowledge and skills to make something simpler than we're going to gain more time. This is what AcePlanner is built on - using good systems to simplify daily tasks so you don't spend inordinate amounts of time on work.

For balanced life planning and other basic management skills have to be used at home as well as in the workplace. One of the reasons why many people prefer going out to work to working at home is what we're very organized in the workplace, we use time management there, and then we come home and just ride the waves, consuming ourselves with the latest problem that has cropped up.

However there's nothing wrong with wanting to go out to work. We do need multiple interests to enrich our lives and many times we have talents that we need to give to the workplace and to the world. But it is true that work on the job is often more attractive because it is more project-oriented and very linear, and at the end of that piece of work we get the praise and a sense of accomplishment, whereas at home every day it's the same thing.

Human beings have certain basic needs that have to be taken care of every day, and although we can feel a sense of accomplishment that we have organized something at home, it's soon going to be dirtied again, or another meal is going to have to be put on the table. And this means changing your sense of where you get your satisfaction - not just from accomplishing the task or from the process of doing it, but from the motive.

We are all expecting a reward or praise for completed work. Lack of reward will kill our desire to work what leads to reduced productivity. This is why we prefer working for others than doing something for ourselves. Promise yourself a reward for completing each task or finishing the total job. For example let yourself watch an interesting movie when you finish developing page or new promotion plan.